The Long Awaited Blog

This has been a difficult post for me. I've set at my computer many times, fingers to keys, ready to type only to walk away. I have even tried to talk God into letting me change the topic. Jeremiah was right in comparing an unspoken word from the Lord to a "fire shut up in [his] bones." Its a week late, but I hope it speaks to some of you!

Genesis 1:27 clearly states that God made man in His image, but its hard to understand that concept. Therefore, we easily give in to the world's ideas about how we should look. We justify this by saying that somehow the verse saying to be in the world but not of it doesn't really apply to this aspect of life. Unfortunately, it does.

As a little girl, I was dubbed the short chubby one of my childhood friends. When your best friend grows up to be 6 feet tall, its hard not to look short next her. The title stuck, however, and I believed it. My brother and best friend's brother gave us nicknames as preteens that further confirmed my believe. I looked in the mirror and saw simply what everyone told me I was...short, fat, and manly looking. (I did look just like my dad after all)

I reached the pinnacle of hating my fat build in eighth grade when I brought home my school picture. It was AWFUL. I'm sure mom meant well, but she refused to leave my picture from the year before up and get rid of the hideous new picture I had brought home. I looked at it every single day. By the time ninth grade rolled around, I refused to order school pictures and "forgot" the money on picture day. The only problem was I had to look at the terrible picture for another year. A nasty, ungodly resolve begin to grow inside me.

I began to eat very little, and after suffering from pneumonia over Christmas break, the effects of starvation did the trick. I went from the massive size nine (roll eyes here) to a tiny size 5/6. I was hooked. I never starved myself completely, until my junior and senior years. Then  I began "pretending" to eat so that people would think I was really eating. I know people knew what I was doing, but unfortunately, the ones who saw it only gripped about me to each other.

By the spring of 1999, my short 5 foot 7 inch frame was a mere 115 pounds, and I was sick. I still struggle with hypoglycemia to this day, and I realize now that I had symptoms of it before I lost all the weight. However, living on mountain dew, really messed me up, and I thank God that it did. After several frightening spells, I finally told my mom something was wrong. When she took me to the doctor, the first words out of his mouth to me where, "you have to gain 10 at least pounds." Then I got a stern scary lecture and told that I would need to eat every three hours and cut out sugar. (no mountain dew) I was devastated and scared.

I was thankful for the doctor not beating around the bush with me, but the true issue was never dealt with properly. I would eat too much at a meal and feel guilt, so I would starve myself and mess my glucose levels up again. It was a very frustrating cycle. To be honest, it still is. I no longer intentionally starve myself, but I struggle with my eating habits. However, I have found a nugget of Truth that I cling to in my struggle.

As long as I am His child, I am a temple for the Holy Spirit. 1Corinthians 3:16 and 17 says, "Don’t you know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him because God’s temple is holy. You are that holy temple!" (GWT) My job isn't to make this temple beautiful in the world's eyes but to care for it and let God make it beautiful. I tell my oldest daughter often, that I exercise and eat right (well, try to anyway) to be healthy not to be skinny. I struggle with the temptation to look 'good' still, but the fight is getting easier all the time!

The godless views of beauty will never be satisfied. God's view of beauty is a different matter. The world's ideas of beauty have changed many times over the years. If I'd been born in the 30's or 40's, I could have given Marilyn Monroe a run for her money! I fear the Lord, though, and according to Proverbs 31:30, that is what is truly praise worthy.

Please pray with me.

Father, thank you for my health and a body that is capable of exercise and activity. Thank you, for making a way that Your Spirit can live inside of me, without Him I would be nothing. Help me to see myself as you do, as your blessed, consecrated temple. Give me wisdom to know how to best care for my body, and convict me to stay healthy. Most of all, please give me strength to fight against the desire to conform to the world and look down on the body You gave me. "Every good and perfect gift comes from above..." Remind me often that my body is included in the gifts you've given me. Thank you for your mercy and wisdom. In Jesus name, Amen.