Do you, or did you, ever sit and watch your kids wondering what they will, or would, grow up to become as adults? I do that often. Last week we discussed how to love our husbands and children. I'd like to follow that line of thought out a step farther today. I want to ask you a very difficult and probing question. Do you love your children enough to put aside your own dreams for them and let them be who they really are? Not to difficult, you think. Stay with me and it may be more difficult than you think.
I have four kids, and they are all vastly different. Edana may be the closest to being like me in most areas, and Aidan has a lot of his daddy in him. I'm not sure about Rileigh yet, but Declan, well, I didn't know a kid could be so much like their grandpa! Apparently God decided to reuse that mold when he created Dec because he walks like him, gestures like him, and even responds verbally like him. While they seem to take so much after other family members they are still so unique in their likes and their dislikes.
I believe that Jeremiah 29:11 can be applied to each and every person God creates on this earth. (He is the giver of life, therefore He creates everyone, even the 'accidents') If He has a plan for each of us, all we have to do is walk closely to Him and He will fulfill it. Suddenly life is so simple...until others get in the way. By others I do mean parents. Sorry, but lets go ahead and face it. The temptation to live vicariously through our children is very strong. How easy it is to put our unrealized dreams onto our children for fulfillment! I've often wondered if that is why so many kids go to college confused and unsatisfied only to give up on God.
We raise them the way we think they need to be, but in truth we are raising them to be what we want them to be. How many parents put their kids in sports as soon as they are old enough and then push them only to realize the kid hates it by the time they reach high school. How many parents want their kids to make lots of money and therefore convince them they need to be a doctor only to realize the kid can't understand chemistry or physics at all. Suddenly the kid is in college and realizing they are a failure and they don't even know if they really liked the idea of being a doctor anyway. Do they even know who they are, or what they like, or what they believe for that matter?
Look with me at Proverbs 22:6 in the Amplified Bible. It says, "Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it." I always grew up thinking that mean teaching them to live for God, however, I think it is more than that. The definition that we're given here takes me back to the fact that God has a plan for each of us and tells us we have an individual gift and bent.
Edana has taught us the toughest lessons about their bent though. Her personality is, well, I'm not sure what to call it. She is vibrant and colorful, but on her own terms. We figured out early on that she is going to express herself through her appearance. Early on we had to sit down and come up with some guidelines. Here is what we decided. We'll let her express herself the way she likes, and our part will be teaching and showing her how to do it without going overboard. And yes, she did have pink in her hair this summer and occasionally her earrings are bigger than most girls her age. I guess some girls like big bows, and Edana likes big earrings.
We'll see how that works when she becomes a teenager. Although, really, if she decides to be a little "out there" is it really that bad or is it a pride issue for me? I tend to think the second option. Some of the most Godly teens I've met are the ones whose parents let them be who they are while helping them keep their focus on God more than on themselves. Maybe if we stopped worrying so much about what our kids look like and how well they fit in, our kids wouldn't worry about it so much either.
I will be extremely surprised if Aidan is ever the popular kid in school. He will be one of the best looking, I am sure, but not popular. His personality just doesn't fit with it. He will always do things his own way, and I think it is safe to say I'm raising a comic book nerd. However, he will be big and I'm hoping that will keep him from being picked on too much! Seriously, if I worry too much about what people think of him, I will destroy who he really is. He is an artistic, musical kid that just happens to like football. I don't know what it will be like when he is older, but in my high school the two weren't supposed to meet for some reason. I don't intend to ever let anyone convince him of that! In truth, I can think of boys I went to school with that were probably talented in both, but wouldn't dare try to cross those lines.
I think the real issue is that we have gotten too focused on meeting the church's and world's standards of what is supposed to be normal. Yes, I said the church's standards too. I hate to say it, but often Christian parents are the worst at not letting their children be who they are out of fear that it might not be 'okay' in the eyes of other Christians. I don't remember the Bible saying that we all had to be alike. Actually, Romans says we are all supposed to be different parts of the body.
Ask yourself a few questions and share them with your spouse. Do you allow your children to be themselves? Are you too focused on what others will think of you if your kid is 'different'? Does your child's natural gifting and abilities line up with what you think they should be as adults? or Are you more worried about making them something you always wanted to be? Challenge yourself with these questions and take a serious evaluation of why you make the decision you do about or for your children.
Please pray with me.
Dear Lord, I am forever thankful for the family you have given me. They are my greatest earthly joy. They are also my greatest responsibility. Please give me wisdom to see their natural gifts and bent, and help me to direct and encourage them to use those to bring you Glory. Ephesians 6:4 tells us not to provoke our children to anger or resentment but to tenderly train them in the admonition of You. I don't want my dreams or way of thinking to get in the way of who you made them to be. Thank You for Your direction and leading as I raise my children. In Jesus Name, Amen.
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